


Shadows in the Mind

by Sica520



Category: Danny Phantom
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Everyone Has Issues, Guilt, Hypocrisy, Implied/Referenced Character Death, One-Sided Relationship, Psychologists & Psychiatrists, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Spectra Is Her Own Warning, Survivor Guilt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-08
Updated: 2019-06-08
Packaged: 2020-04-12 14:40:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19134115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sica520/pseuds/Sica520
Summary: After a fight with her mother Sam sneaks out in the dead of night. Unafraid and unworried about any danger that might be lurking in the shadows.Maybe Sam really was about to run away.Run into the shadows, even as a child she had always found darkness to be comforting.Presently one of the shadows began to laugh."Oh, There is nothing quite like a teenager's volatile emotions," something purred in the darkness.(AKA Spectra sinks her claws into Sam)





	Shadows in the Mind

**Author's Note:**

> So this fic is half acknowledging the major problems with Sam's character and half follow through on a concept not too often talked about, how Sam might feel guilty about the accident. I use Spectra to dig into both and just make everything hurt, so there's that. Sam is very very flawed, and rather than ignoring that or just bashing the character to bash the character, what if Sam was aware of that in universe and struggled with it. She is a teenager she is allowed to be kind of an awful person sometimes, just don't insist she is in the right, when she is clearly doing something questionable at best. I don't mean to simply bash the character for no point, and hopefully this didn't come of that way, but Spectra doesn't mess around or pull any psychologically scarring punches.

Samantha Manson was _livid_.

She was beyond livid.

She didn't care about anything at that moment but getting out of _that_ house. She slipped out of her bedroom window and left cursing her mother as she climbed.

She really _hated_ her.

Yeah, that sounds awful, it sounds like she was being a moody teenager.

Which she was. But she didn't care.

She hated her mother.

Her mother who had no respect for her as a person. Or her privacy. Or her belongings.

 _Ugh!_ Her frustration was suffocating  

_Why can't she just accept me for who I am!_

_Why does she always want to change me?_

_Why does she always insist that she knows best?_

Her mother who had gone through her closet and replaced all of her clothes with ones that was considered ' _more appropriate for a young lady to wear,'._

Her mother who had somehow found and confiscated all of her ecto guns, blasters, and weapons claiming that she would be ' _safer_ ' without a way to defend herself. Sure, her mother didn't know about Same extracurricular activities, and thank goodness for that, that make her a target, but that shouldn't matter much, Amity park and Casper high in general was still targeted by ghosts. Anyone could see that it was still a good idea to be armed. Unless of course you were Pamela Manson, who thinks that weapons are ' _dangerous'_.

Her mother who wanted to instigate a restraining order for one of Sam's best friends. Whom she thought was a _'bad influence_ ' on her, in reality it was the other way around. And ban that boy whom she thought was sneaking into their house in the dead of night, admittedly that was sometimes true but they were not doing anything her mother thought they were. When normal girls snuck the boy they had a crush on into their room in the dead of night and insisted that said boy take off his shirt it wasn't so they could perform life saving first aid.

But Samantha Manson prided herself on being thoughly the _opposite_ of normal girls.

She was wandering around in the dead of night.

Alone.

She maybe should be worried, but there's something about constantly having your life endangered that makes worrying about things like walking the street after midnight laughably mundane.

Plus it was another thing her mother had always called ' _dangerous_ ', so she reveled in what her mother would think if she knew Sam was out here.

She didn't have much of a plan.

Scratch that, she didn't have _any_ plan.

Other than capital S _Spite_ her mother.

Get away. Deal with the consequences later.

She wasn't sure if she was about to actually literally run away or not. Sure, the thought had occurred to her. And she was certainly angry enough to do it.

That would certainly wipe the infuriating look off her mother's face.

' _As long as you live under my roof you will obey my rules'._

_OK, then._

_Bye._

She could just imagine the moment her mother realized that Sam was gone for good.

Her mother who thought she was a stupid rebellious teen who didn't understand the real world.

She grew madder and madder as she walked.

The shadows grew darker.

Maybe she really was about to run away.  
Run into the shadows, even as a child she had always found darkness to be comforting.

Presently one of the shadows began to laugh.

"Oh, There is nothing quite like a teenager's volatile emotions," something purred in the darkness.

She felt a chill go up her spine. Something dangerous _was_ lurking out here.

"Mommy dearest doesn't _understand_ me! Oh such _petty_ and _shallow_ anger and misery" That something mocked. "Oh yes how _unique_. I am sure you are the _only_ one in the world who has ever felt _misunderstood_ by her own parents,"

She turned to see the glowing monstrous eyes of a ghost.

Spectra the ghost of misery.

Sam had really only seen her once. When she and Tucker went to Spectra's office with the hopes of testing Danny's theory about the school councillor being a ghost. It was awful being near her, Sam felt so _exposed_ as if this woman, this monster, knew her every thought and enjoyed uncovering every dirty secret.

She felt that same feeling now.

"Spectra," she spat.

"Oh, you remember me. Well that is flattering. You however? Can't really say I can return the favor. After all, I met so many kids at Casper High, and it's not like anything about you really stood out, even with how hard you try,"

That was obviously a lie. It had to be. Most of the ghosts knew who she was, because of Danny.

Plus Spectra knew everything about her, that was her ghostly power. She had to have known Sam. To know that that comment would sting.

She hated herself for being upset by those words.

As if she needed _anyone's_ approval.

She was Samantha Manson. She didn't conform to anyone's standards.

But still the idea of being like everyone else, of being _unrecognizable_ from the crowd, of following the main stream ideas like a sheep rubbed her the wrong way.

It didn't hurt, ok well it did hurt her pride a bit, but it did make her angrier.

Hurt. Anger. And fear.

Yes. She could also feel her fear rising up from where she thought she fullproofly chained it down. Samantha Manson doesn't get scared.

_Sure you don't._

_Right, a highschool girl who doesn't feel fear, who are you trying to fool?_

_No one. I am the way I am for me and me alone._

_Other people have no influence on how I act._

_Just like how she chose to be out here at night._

_"_ Leave me alone!"

"Or what? What can a puny little _normal_ human like you do? Your mother took away all the ecto weapons you had stashed away. She just wants her pwrecious wittle pwrincess to be _safe_ ,"

"Danny already beat you once," She spat with more confidence than she has. 

"Ahh, the damsel in distress calls to her _boyfriend_ to defend her,"

"He is not my boyfriend!"

"Oh? _Unrequited_ love? The boy you want doesn't want you back? Well aren't you just a bundle of _cliche_ miseries. You are a walking _stereotype_ aren't you? Even as you scream from the top of your lungs that you are an individual, don't you realize you are just little miss tries too hard? You want so much to be _different_. _Unique_. _Special_. Like every other teenager in the world. So unique in your rebellion as you spout the most painfully clichéd teen declaration about how you are ' _not like everyone else_ '. How pathetic,"

Yeah, she rejected everything typically girly, but that doesn't mean that she doesn't want love.

Unrequited love. As if she was a girl from those insulting romantic comedies, where her whole life revolved around a guy.

 _As if_ , she scoffed. She was a strong independent woman.

Who yes has a crush, that's allowed.

So sue her for having a heart.

As for the other stuff,...

_I am not clichéd._

Spectra paused for a moment, seemingly looking for the most devastating attack.  
"Is that why you love your little pet _freak_? He is truly one of a kind. _Unique_. Just like you always wanted to be. The ghost and the goth. What a perfectly twisted match."

 _No_. She didn't just love Danny because he was different. Of course not. That would make her just as shallow as the others. She would like him even if he never became half-ghost.

She was sure if it.

He would still be Danny.

And it was Danny she loved.

She wasn't Paulina swooning over the alter ego of Phantom. She wasn't just a fan girl.

How dare the thought even come to her.

 _No_. She actually _cared_ about him. He was her best friend.Even before Phantom, he was her best friend. 

Sure now, she had begun to develop a huge massive crush on him. But that had nothing to with him becoming Phantom, right? That was normal. Friends grew closer together. Everyone already was expecting them to get together, with the constant claims of them being ' _love birds_ '.

It had _nothing_ to do with Phantom.

It had everything to do with Danny.

Her best friend.

The boy who sought her out on that fateful day long long ago and insisted that she sit with them, because he saw how alone she was.

Her best friend.

Who was clueless, had a horrible sense of humour, and was probably the biggest dork on the planet. The space case who was hopeful, kind, and always working to be better. Reaching for the stars.

Her best friend.

Who would eventually cave in when she pushed and pushed too hard. Who finally agreed to disobey his parents and show them the lab. Who listened to her stupid stupid suggestions.

Her best friend

Whom she had k...

 _No. No._ She couldn't even begin to think that way.

"Shut up," She wasn't sure if she was saying that to Spectra or her own thoughts. 

"Ooh. I seemed to have hit a nerve. There's something deeper buried there isn't there. Hmm. Well now what kind of psychologist would I be if I didn't encourage you to confront these repressed feelings,"

_No. Don't._

It was no use. Spectra could see into the depths of her victims. Danny had told them that.

He hadn't elaborated much on what that meant, so it hadn't helped much.

But now she knew exactly what seeing into the depths of your soul meant. How horribly _exposing_ it is. How her own mind turned against her replaying thoughts she herself had had before. Things that she had experienced before. But now they wove around Spectra's narrative. Spectra fit things into a deeper meaning, warping reality but never truly lying, and planting suggestions that Sam never wanted to acknowledge before. It was so much harder to bear as Spectra's words were beginning to be backed up by _her own_ thoughts.

She didn't blame Danny for not being able to describe it.

_He must have some pretty nasty demons in his head._

_Duh. Think about what he goes through._

_Because of you._

Spectra's too sharp mouth became ridiculously wide. "Oh. Now I wonder what that could mean. Your fault, huh?"

_Stop no. Please no._

_'I dare you to go inside'_

_'I just want a picture'_

_'C'mon, Danny what's the worst that could happen?'_

"Oh, it's your fault he is like that? Did you kill your best friend?" She asked with scandalized excitement. "Well well well, I take it back. I guess you are different from other girls. I cannot remember too many highschool students who have _murdered_ their best friend,"

_Murderer._

_Stop. No._

She had watched as Danny went in.

_Please. Please. Stop._

Something went wrong. He must have tripped on something and pushed some sort of button.

_Murderer_

Silence for a split second and than the most horrible sound she had ever heard in her life, or would ever hear again.

His scream that haunted her nightmares. She could never forget it for as long as she lived.

 _Murderer_.

The portal shot out a perfect stranger, that couldn't be anyone else.

A _corpse_. A _dead_ burned body covered in a horrifying scar. _Dead_. _He is dead. And you are a murderer._

No pulse on the strange body in front of her. No pulse. Not breathing. _Dead_.

' _Tucker I think...We...'_  

_Killed him. Murderer._

' _Sam, He's...Not breathing. I think he's...'_

_No. No. No._

_He wasn't dead._

He _isn't_ dead.

Flash he was back to normal.

Everything is fine. He is still half human. Half alive. He can turn back to normal with a flash. 

So she could pretend she hadn't just killed him.

_I am not a murderer._

"Oh but of course you're not a _murderer_ , Sammy. Don't get the wrong idea. It was just an _accident_ , right? I would never even begin to suggest you were the kind of girl who would do something like that on _purpose_ ," Spectra spoke as if she understood. As if she was trying to comfort Sam. She placed a hand that was anything but comforting on Sam's shoulder.

_It's OK. It's not your fault._

How come, Sam felt even more convinced that it was then?

Was this some sort of twisted form of reverse psychology? 

"I mean what kind of _monster_ would try and force something like that? No of course, I don't think you tried to _make_ him the uniquely cool superhero he is. To _intentionally_ _force_ what you think is good, such as being different, onto someone against their will? You would _never_ do such a thing, would you? No not you. That's what your mother does and you hate her for it. She wants you to be a good little girl and tries to _force_ that ideal onto you, therefore you know what it is like to have someone try and _manipulate_ you, into being what they think is best, _against your_ _concent_ ,"

Yes. It was her mother that was manipulative, controlling, and downright selfish.

That was why she was out here to begin with.

Because she hated her mother.  
Her self hatred quickly found a better target.

A more deserving target.

Her mother.

But then Spectra kept talking.

"How does the saying go, the apple never falls far from the tree. You're Pamela's daughter all right. Aren't you? You want everyone to _conform_ to your beliefs, but it's OK when you do it, because your beliefs go against the conventional ideas. Change the menu because everyone should eat healthier, like you. Strong arm your friends into doing what you want to do. Wouldn't your friends look so much _better_ in black and goth accessories? Oh wouldn't Sammiekins look so much better in this frilly sundress? I think mommy dearest does understand you fine. _She raised you well_ ,"

_Hypocrite!_

_Manipulative, controlling, and selfish._

_Hypocrite!_

There it was again that shift of hatred.  
Back to someone much much more deserving.

 _Herself_.

"But that being said, even if you are a _hypocrite_ I don't quite think you are a _murderer_. After all murder is premeditated. I don't think even your mother would go as far as to purposely change the molecular structure of someone. So do I think you turned your little friend into a freak _on purpose?_ Of course not. Therefore take comfort in the fact that you are not a _murderer_ ,"

Again Spectra spoke in a soothing comforting voice that made Sam believe the exact opposite.

"No no no. There were no ill intensions, planned actions, or desires to kill. So no you are not a murderer. You can ease your _guilt_. The last thing I would want is for you to feel bad about something that wasn't really your fault. After all is an _accident_ really anyone's fault? No of course not. It was an _accident_. You my dear girl shouldn't be too hard on yourself. _Murder_ is such a harsh word, maybe that's why you humans came up with a different lable for those who commit _accidental murder_. I believe they call it," she put a shadowy hand to her shadowy chin and then gave another terrifying smile of absolute glee. " _Man Slaughter_. Much better isn't it. You didn't murder your friend you _slaughtered_ him,"

_It was an accident. I didn't mean to._

_It's all my fault._

_I am so sorry._

_Oh, Danny I am so sorry._

_I didn't mean it. I swear._

"Although, even that isn't strictly true is it? Because he _isn't_ really dead is he? No no no, death would be a _mercy_ compared to what you turned him into. He is a freaky impossibility. A _unique_ specimen. And _unique_ is _good_ , right? _Unique is great._ Wonderful. Of course it is. After all humans are so _understanding_ of things that are different, aren't they? Ask anyone who truly has to be different how it feels. You? _Different_? Oh please. Sure let's all listen to the _spoiled_  brat on her soapbox, the weathly 1%, the _shallow_  white girl who has never had to face being an outcast. The rich little girl who wants to play a game so she pretends that she is ' _sooo weird'_ and that she is persecuted for what she chose to be. _No one understands you?_ Oh I'm sure, it must be so hard for you. Imagine that, the girl who _chooses_ to wear dark clothes telling the boy who was _forcibly made_ into an _unnatural abomination_ that he should embrace what makes him different. I am surprised that you can look him in the eye and go on and on about how normal is overrated,"

Danny just wanted to be a normal kid. Sam knew that. He never liked standing out. He was beyond embarrassed whenever his family did anything weird. He just wanted to be a kid. Hang out with his friends. Get good grades. Eventually work his way to NASA so he could achieve his dream of reaching for the stars.

Something he will _never_ do now because of her.

Hanging out together, now usually involved some sort of ghostly stuff. So much so that he had felt the need to _literally split himself in half_ just to have a chance for a normal Saturday of fun.

His grades were in the toilet. And he continually flushes them down deeper every day.

Everyone thought he was ungrateful, lazy, and irresponsible as he risked what was left of his life to save them.

And he had kissed his dreams goodbye a while ago. She knew that. He never really talks about space being even a possibility, anymore. They all knew it _wasn't_. NASA would want someone with higher grades and outstanding academic achievements, and if he, by some miracle, was considered despite his grades, then there was the whole physical assessment to see if he was fit for space. For some reason she had a strong suspicion that being _human_ was one of the requirements for working at NASA.

"I am also surprised that he can _stand_ to be around you. He really is a bad excuse for a ghost isn't he? A _real_ ghost would haunt you and never let you live down the fact that _you caused his death._ A ghost cannot help but be inexplicably tied to the one who created them. Usually through _hatred_. A _real full ghost_ would want revenge against you. _Take your life the way you took his_. Every single one of that his instincts must be calling for _justice_ against the one who _took his humanity away_ , how he hasn't given into them is beyond me. I suspect he _will_ someday. Oneday, he will just finally tell you what he really thinks about you. You and I both know he is constantly lying and pushing his real feelings down so deep that sooner or later he will _snap_ ,"

That was always how the story went, wasn't it? She remembered all the horror movies she had seen. All the paranormal stories she had read. Before her life took a hard left turn into the paranormal becoming normal.

A _body_ was found. A _crime_ was kept a secret, hidden. And the _ghost_ wrecked havoc on its murderer until the crime came to light and justice was served for the spirit with unfinished business. A _vengeful_ spirit that refused to rest until _its own murder_ had been avenged.

She used to love those kinds of stories.

Little did she know that one day she would be forced into one. And not as the heroic detective who finally put the pieces together, not as the ghost full of righteous anger, and not even as a supporting member of the cast that helped the truth be uncovered. But as the _despicable murderer_ who had cut short a child's life.

Her friend. Danny. He was her age. No one deserved to die that young.

She is despicable.

She is a murderer.

She is a manipulative hypocrite who forces her ideals on her friends.

She is a terrible friend.

"Oh, sweetie you're being hard on yourself again. It's OK Sam. You're not a _murderer_. You didn't _kill_ him. You turned him into a _superhero_! He should be _grateful_ to you, right? I know you would have loved to be in his place. _A Special Snowflake_. So _tragically_ _misunderstood_. So wonderfully _different_. With the ability to right the wrongs that are your _responsibility_ to right. The environment is being ruined! Animal cruelty and testing is common place! People are eating unhealthily! Frogs are dissected in science classrooms! Who has the power to right these wrongs? Why Samantha Manson of course! The defender of the weak and one who will rally behind any cause she can. Is that your dream? It is isn't it?"

But it _wasn't_ Danny's.

Danny's dream was to go to space and explore the stars aboard the ISS.

Danny _never_ wanted to be a superhero.

That was _her_.

It was _all_ her.

She constantly pushed her own _agendas_.

Who changed the menu?

Who let the gorilla out of its cage?

Who fricken got him into this whole mess to begin with?

All her fault.

Spectra had her. Sam didn't quite remember when Spectra had switched to her human disguise.

Sam didn't quite remember when Spectra had grabbed her by the throat.

Sam couldn't really focus on anything but her own thoughts echoing Spectra's words.

Then suddenly, "Sam?! Sam!"

 _Danny?_  

Danny was here. Danny had come.

"Looky here, the little _freak_ is here to save his _girlfriend_ ," Spectra cooed. 

"She's not my girlfriend" Danny said like it was habit.

Which it was. He was constantly making sure people knew that they weren't together.

They weren't love birds.

It had never hurt before. She had said it with him just as many times.

So, why did it hurt to hear now?

"I should hope not, from what I hear _necrophelia_ is a crime," Spectra laughed. "The witch and her little freaky _familiar_ , such a pitiful pair. The _murderer_ and the _ghost_. _Dr. Frankenstein and her monstrous crime against nature._ How poetic,"

"Murderer?" Danny just had to ask.

"Oh, yes. It turns out there was even more misery to get from your story. You were holding out on me. Oh Danny Danny Danny. Tell us how did it feel to be _killed_ by one of your _best friends_?"

"What?! But I..." Then he met Sam's eyes. She wished he didn't. "Sam. You didn't kill me. It was an _accident_ ,"

She couldn't look him in those glowing green eyes that reminded her of the portal.

"Was it _agonizing_?" Spectra continued. "Which hurt more the _death_ or the _betrayal_ that it came from someone so close?"

"Neither! Shut up!" He yelled. "Sam please believe me! You didn't kill me. I don't blame you! Don't listen to Spectra she is just trying to make you miserable. That's what she does. She lies!"

Sam shook her head. And closed her eyes. She couldn't get Spectra's voice out of her mind.

"Of course I lie. I am a ghost. Lying comes natural to us. We are very very good at twisting our words. _We ghosts are experts at lying_. Isn't that right, Danny?"

He didn't respond with words but with a fierce animalistic growl. He sprang after Spectra and began to fight her.

Sam was just there catatonic.

"How many lies do you think you tell a day, Danny? 20-30? more? 100? Just give me a rough estimate? Or perhaps it would be easier for you to list the times you actually tell the truth, hmm?"

"You want the truth? You are a monster!"

"And you're not? Oh, Please," she scraped her sharp claws against his cheek drawing ectoplasm.

"You know if I knew how _miserably_ messed up your friends are, I would have gone after them sooner. And here I thought you were the most deliciously miserable. After all it is hard to beat a _freak_ who has _no where_ to belong. Who doesn't even know _what_ he is. Will never be _human_ again and has to constantly deal with that every single day of his well I suppose we can't call it a _life_ now can we?"

Spectra flew back to grab Sam. Danny was too slow.

Spectra was never easy to fight. He could never think straight. If he could this battle would be over. But spectra faught with words, thoughts, and ideas. Danny preferred the punching, blasting, and kicking variety of fighting. He wasn't good with his thoughts.

Spectra grabbed Sam again. Pinched her cheeks like an overbearing mother. And turned her head to face Danny.

"Let's play a little _game_ so to speak. I am curious. Who do you think has it _worse_ , Danny? Who do you think is _more miserable_? Who do think has endured more _pain_?" She pressed her face right next to Sam's and adopted a babyish mocking tone of voice. "Sammiekin's parents don't accept her for who she is, and want to _force her to wear pink,_ " Spectra turned back to Danny. "What do your parents want to do to you again? Oh, That's right destroy you. Tear you apart molecule by molecule," Danny lunged. Spectra dodged effortlessly. "Ah, ah, ah, you don't want to hurt your little friend?" She said digging her claw like nails into Sam's cheek. " Now, dissecting is pretty bad, but have your parents ever _gone through your stuff_ like Sam's have?" She continued in that sachrine sweet way. "Sam is a pure unfortunate soul who just wants to stand out and be an individual, _unique_... but wait that's what you are. So... how is it? We are all dying to know? How is it, Danny? _Being unique_? Being alone? _Separated from the rest of humanity_? You just want to blend in and belong. Sam's being driven out of her mind with _guilt_ wondering if you _blame her for what she did to you_. Are you going to _lie_ to make her feel better? Again? Are you going _to lie_ and tell her that you _don't_ blame her?"

"I don't blame her!" He yelled in full furious anger.

Spectra dropped Sam. She crumbled on the floor like a puppet who's strings had just been cut. Sam had no will to stand.

Spectra moved closer to Danny. "Oh Danny since we last met you've gotten _darker_ ," She licked her too wide lips. "Oh a lot more problems in your head than last time. Such beautiful misery. Doubt. Fear. Anger. Guilt. Shame. It's delicious. What's this about destined to cause _the end of the world_? Well someone's going to be a very _naughty boy_ in the future. Told you one day he will _snap_ , it's _inevitable_ ," Spectra directed the last bit at Sam.

"I'mma bout to snap right now," He snarled in an inhuman way.

"Ooh. I'd love to see that. Finally going to _kill_ the one who _cursed you with this half life_? _Your murderer_. You know your ghost _wants_ to. You know you could easily. She was the one that _made you what you are_. She made it so _you will never be human again_. She put you through _hell_ , Danny. Time to repay the favor,"

"You want me to blast the one who put me through _hell_? The one whose fault it is that I _hate_ myself? The one whose fault it is that I can't ever seem to feel _complete_ anymore?" His face became downright murderously cold. "OK. Then,"

Sam was beyond terrified.

Danny got ready to unleash all of his power.

And he shot Spectra.

"Oh look at that that person isn't Sam. Oops," He snarked as he sucked up Spectra into the thermos.

"Yknow once I get over myself, you are actually stupidly _easy_ to beat," he told the Thermos. Of course that first part is so much easier said than done.

He turned to face his friend. "Are you okay?"

She shook her head, not feeling up to speak.

"Look whatever she told you it wasn't true. That's just how she is,"

"But it was," she murmured.

"What?"

"It was true. I'm a selfish hypocrite! I'm just like my mother! I am an awful friend! And I did kill you!" Samantha Manson began to sob.

"Hey, hey, hey" he said trying to soothe her and calm her down. His touch was cold, but comforting nonetheless. "Sam. Sam look at me, it's OK. I'm OK. You _didn't_ kill me. I'm right here," Flash Danny Fenton faced her now. " _Alive_ , well kinda," he gave her a smile.  
She didn't return it.

"As for the other stuff. That's just what you're the most insecure about. That's always what Spectra picks on,"

"She told me..."

He cut her off. "It doesn't matter what she said. It wasn't true,"

"But it was," she repeated. "She pulled it from my own _thoughts_ and _memories_. She doesn't create problems, she just _exacerbates_ them. It was all _true_ ,"

"Yeah, OK. Some of the _facts_ might have been true. But she _twisted_ them. She never told you the whole truth. Spectra is one of the best liars because she uses truth in her lies. But she always distorts it somehow, to push her own agenda. Which is to make you as miserable as possible," He sighed. "What she told me has elements of truth in it too. Freak. Yeah there's no denying that one. Not a ghost. Not a boy. Again that's true. Failure. Yeah I have failed my fair share of times. Loser. Yeah, that one's self explanatory. Inhuman. Again can't argue with what I actually _literally_ _am_ based on the molecular level. Then she asks questions that you have tried to avoid asking yourself. Put all those pieces together and well...  _life sucks_. But it's not the whole picture. I also have people around me who do care. I have had times of success. I am a loser, at the loser table with my best friends. My best friends who don't care if I am inhuman. There that's the whole picture. What she showed you, was just a glimpse, Sam. The whole picture is you, me and Tuck laughing and smiling. The accident changed a lot, but our friendship is still the same,"

"Thanks," Sam said still a little subdued.

"Anytime,"

"So... what she said about you hating me held some truth, too?"

"What? No! Of course not. You're my best friend!"

"But it's my fault!"

"No it's not. Look, _I_ made the _choice_ to go into the portal. Did you _encourage_ me? Yeah. But if it was anyone's fault it was _mine_ ,"

"Danny, please. Just this once. Tell me the truth. The whole truth. Even if you think I wouldn't like it, especially then,"

He sighed. "Yeah, ghosts can sometimes be tied to those who...Caused...Their... Existence .Yeah, I am in some way tied to you. But not out of hatred. Or vengeance. I don't hate you. Or blame you. But I can't truthfully forget what happened, and ...how it involved you,"

"But you don't hate me?"

"Sam. I could never hate you,"

"But..."

"I swear cross my heart and core. I don't hate you. I don't blame you. It wasn't anyone's fault. It was an accident, Sam. Please stop beating yourself up over it. It was _my_ decision. _I_ was the one that went into the portal. _I_ was the one who tripped and turned it on. _I_ was the one who got wound up in all of this. You were the one who _helped_ me. You helped me see that maybe this could be a _good thing_. You helped me see that I am still _me_. Sam, please you have nothing to feel guilty about,"

See that maybe this could be a _good thing_.

' _Danny you're powers make you unique, unique is good_.'

 _But, you never wanted this_.

After the accident he had still wanted to find some way to fix it.

_'If my parents can somehow make something that accidentally made me into a ghost, then maybe they can make something that turns me back to normal.'_

_Normal_. That's all he ever wanted.

She convinced him that he _shouldn't_ want to be normal again. Convinced him that he _shouldn't_ go to his parents.

What would she do if he had actually tried to take away his powers? Would she have tried to talk him out of it? What if he was successful? Would she get angry? Angry that he wasn't special anymore? Upset that he chose normal over weird?

Just a regular guy.

Is that really why she likes him?

They had been friends for years, but it wasn't until Phantom that she began developing a crush on him. Was the timing really just a coincidence? Or was it really because she was attracted to the _unnatural_ part of him?

She didn't want to believe that. She didn't want to think she could be that shallow. To like someone based on _what_ they are vs. _w_ _ho_ they are. The very thing she preached against. She didn't want to see herself as that despicable.

But it did sound like her.

The _horribly selfish hypocrite_.

Then of course there was the time with Desirée.Where everything was reset. 

Where he had another chance to be _normal_.  
He had forgotten her. She wasn't there to mess up his life, and he was fine. Maybe even happy. _Happier_.

Then she had _forced_ him, once again to go through _hell_.

 _Again_.

 _'I think if I set everything to how it was when it happened before, it will happen again._ ' 

It did happen _again_.

She _killed_ him again.

She heard his echoing cries _again_.

She took away his _humanity_ again.

Because killing him _once_ wasn't enough.

"Sam please, look at me. Talk to me,"

She couldn't. She couldn't look at him. See what she turned him into.

"I'm so sorry. Danny, I'm so sorry," not that that could fix anything.

"There's nothing you need to apologize for,"  
"Look, Spectra's words only have as much power as you give them. Believe me, I know. C'mon Sam you can get through this. We can get through this," he sighed. "Let's get you home," he offered her his hand.

She took it.

Flying with him didn't feel as awesome tonight.

He lead her back to her house and phased through her bedroom window.

"I'm sorry,"

"I know, but you don't need to be," he looked so hurt as he looked at her. "I'm sorry I wasn't able to get here faster tonight. You never should have been anywhere near Spectra,"

She shouldn't need him to protect her.

She isn't a damsel in distress.

She shouldn't have needed saving.

But she was pathetically _weak_.

He shouldn't have to come and save her.

Not in the dead of night.

Not when he doesn't get much sleep as is.

Not when he has other people that he has to save.

Not when they have a math test tomorrow. One she knows he wasn't able to study for, and had missed most of the lectures explaining how to solve the problems.

But he was _here_.

"Sam, please try and remember that it's not your fault. And don't worry so much about me. I don't mind being Phantom. I mean yeah, sure there are really annoying things about it. But on the whole?... yeah, it's not a bad half life," he gave a small smile.

' _We ghosts are experts at lying_.'

Danny was just lying to make her feel better.

Spectra was just lying to make her feel miserable.

Just lies.

Danny was right.

They could get through this. They had delt with stuff like this before. They could do it again.

Everything will be OK.

There's nothing that they can't get through.

But she also knew that Danny _still_ struggled with the things Spectra said to him.

It was very hard to get that smooth mocking voice out of her head. _Insecurities linger_. Spectra's words will scar her mind. And those scars are deeper and hurt much more than the ones on her cheek.

But we can get through this.

Maybe. Hopefully.

"Thanks Danny," she muttered.

"What are friends for?" He asked with a tilted smile. "night Sam," he flew off leaving her in the darkness.

"Night," she said a split second too late. He was already gone. And she was alone. In the darkness.

Darkness. She loved the dark. She was a creature of darkness. She was not afraid of the shadows.

Well, that is the ones in her room.

But it was time for her to drop tough girl act and admit that she really was terrified.

She was terrified of the shadows in her mind, and what might lurk there.


End file.
